Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Truth

Over the past several weeks...okay maybe months, I have felt very rebellious. Maybe its that I am getting ready to get married, that I finally feel free to make my own adult decisions, or that I finally realize most of what I thought about life or how life should be as a child or adolescent is a load of bull. Either way, I feel liberated and I want to share this feeling. I should start by saying that I was raised in a family of perfectionists. While my parents did an excellent job of undoing many of the ideals that were passed down to them about perfectionism it was still passed down to both my sister and me. For example, my dad was raised in a household where the idea was: if you got a 100% on a test you should really try for 110% next time. "Wasn't there some extra credit or a bonus question?" I must say that both my mom and dad did an excellent job of nipping that idea by the time I came around. I now joke  with my perfectionist fiance that my mom used to take me out for ice cream when I came home with an 87%. Thank god for this, otherwise I may be in therapy indefinitely. However, perfectionism still reigns within me and I have to work very hard to control it. For example, as a child I had the idea that my life would be perfect. My room would be perfectly clean and decorated, my homework would have the perfect handwriting and most original idea, I would win every award, I would be a ballerina and excel on pointe, I would meet the perfect boyfriend in High School and we would marry shortly after college followed by the purchase of a home with 3 bedrooms, a white picket fence, 2.5 children and a golden retriever.............and I wonder why someone once told me that I was "a bit naive."

Land the plane Lauren............
My point is, our society is f'ed up. There are all these "supposed to's" in life. You are SUPPOSED to go to College, you are SUPPOSED to get married by a certain age, you are SUPPOSED to have children by a certain age, you are SUPPOSED to meet "the one," you are SUPPOSED to save money.


The quote that I am guilty of using is "I should be making this much money by now," "I should be engaged by now," or "I should own a home by now." a magnet on my sister's refrigerator says "when will we stop should-ing all over ourselves?'

My new-found liberation has been creeping up on me for years now. I always had this idea that I needed to be a certain weight, look a certain way, say yes to everyone, be nice to everyone, never get tattoos, never question God, NEVER move in with a boy, don't drink until it's legal, always make your bed, cursing isn't flattering, always be modest. Now, I say eat healthy and exercise, wear make-up when you want to, say NO to as many people as you can, be nice to those who don't take advantage of you, tattoos are beautiful, questioning God is a way to find his existence, move in with your fiance before you get married (you will thank me later), sometimes you just don't have time for things, cursing adds character, and sometimes posing for a sexy photo shoot can bring you a sense of confidence and self love.

The idea for this blog is to share the truth. Things in life don't always turn out the way you thought they "should." In fact, it usually doesn't turn out that way at all. Sometimes life knocks you flat on your ass and you are in bed for days. You don't have to be perfect all the time, you don't have to find Mr. Right, you don't have to always look good, you don't have to always be nice. The best part about all of this is that it is the truth. This truth will set you free. Life is STILL beautiful without all of the "should be's," "supposed to's," and "have to's."

Finally, don't idealize someone else's life. I am sooooooo guilty of this. Like so guilty I should probably go to jail...prison maybe. "Look at her! She is so pretty, skinny, her boyfriend is perfect, her house is amazing, she dresses so cute, she is so nice, funny, knows all the good music. Why can't I be like that?"  Once I almost gave up Facebook because it was becoming harmful to my mental health. I would sit on it for hours and look at how happy everyone was with their pictures, the life successes etc. As one of my dearest friend's and kindred spirits once told me "Facebook is like Vegas, you can be whoever you want to be." Thank you JAK.

To be honest, this page will probably help me more than anyone. You may already know all of things I intend to share with you. It has taken me a little longer to realize these things. To be honest, I prefer life without the sugar coating despite the fact that I am a sweet tooth.

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